I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Randomize
