mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize