i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
