I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
