note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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