I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Vodka?
Forever.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
