I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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