Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize