I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
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Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
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Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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