no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
