Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
