Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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