I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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