Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
