his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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