Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
