I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
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