Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You're like the curious george of whores
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
