why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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