you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
