hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
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