Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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