Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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