I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
