i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
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My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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