Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
