and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
tell me about the fingering
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