I wanna passion pit in your ass
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize