you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
