I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
