I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
