how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
