There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
