He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
