my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize