that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
