I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize