i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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