Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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