We're facebook friends in real life
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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