I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
