your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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