pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
