I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The feeling are messing with the penis
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
