Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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