we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
