Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
