So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
