Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We are all done wearing pants today
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
