it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
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