its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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