I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
