im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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