Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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