I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
