I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
