Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
tell me about the fingering
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
