i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
try to milk me bitch
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