She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
