i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
