do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
