Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
please come you make the beer taste better
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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