i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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